No. It's not the title of a movie. It's what I've been feeling lately.
Back in January, I started to experience non-stop, uncontrollable anxiety (read intense, unexplainable and paralyzing fear). For some unknown reason, I couldn't drive anywhere, didn't want to be left alone (esp. with the kids), couldn't eat, was scared to breathe, and struggled -an understatement- with the dismal weather of Rexburg, ID. It was a really difficult time and I felt so utterly alone. Unless you experience it for yourself, anxiety is something difficult to understand. I went to counseling, learned some surprising things about myself, and went to a different doctor who finally prescribed something that didn't worsen the problem.
Flash Forward to Now:
The immediate impression I received was that I wasn't alone at all. I have the King's Guard to help me through life's journey. It's something sacred to me, but I feel like it's okay to share this. I know I have angels by my side. I know they are with me and most importantly, I know that my Savior took upon Himself my exact afflictions. He knows how hard it is for me and He is there to help me. I am not ever alone! I have the King's Guard. Though I may struggle with knowing that God is loving (because He is), I have perfect evidence that He cares for me.
In Rexburg, two years ago, Michael started choking on two orange slices he had stuffed into his mouth. I started the Heimlich for babies and my fingernail cut his throat. Not only was he choking, he was bleeding, too. It was terrifying! I hope someday that I can let go of that image of his gray face begging me to help him somehow. He eventually coughed up the oranges, but I was so scared! I asked for a Priesthood Blessing and in that blessing I was told that I had angels, the spirits of my ancestors, there with me and through other experiences I would face that would be difficult for me in the future.
I hang onto that. I know that there is life after death and I know that we're not left alone. Families don't stop caring about each other just because of the separation of death. The spirit is eternal. I know I was helped then and I am helped now, even though that help may sometimes be unseen.